2017 was my year of FAITH and EXPLORATION, and I can successfully say I've increased in both areas. Being pushed, tested, placed in hard situations & challenges, and almost feeling like I was losing myself were necessary for the sake of my growth — mentally + emotionally. The biggest themes were healing, creating and making the most of each experience.
After last year’s hardship, I didn't know how this year would turn out. I knew there were lessons to learn, so I stayed conscious of them. However, out of rebellion, I ignored or didn't see them. Part of me knew exactly what I needed — time to heal and grow from a heartbreak.
Once I figured out closure wasn't an option, that’s when the true self-reflection began. I started to see the “ugly” emotions and flaws I’d been hiding from myself. I felt the need to change and wanted to dig deep into the root of the issues. Writing allowed me to be vulnerable and let out every emotion and figure out WHY I was feeling this way.
I was scared and wasn't ready to deal with the emotions that came with healing. I wanted what I lost back, pretty much at any cost, even if it meant my sanity. The suddenness in the matter left me shook, out of my element, and a loss for words. Though my friends said I was doing well moving on, it didn’t feel like it. I was fighting urges and deep feelings of being alone.
It was the middle of September when I finally realized and verbally admitted the problem - ME. I wasn't ready because I always expected things to go back to normal, but they never did. I expected a lot of things to help me heal, such as closure, untold answers, and wanting a face to face connection. None of that happened - all the hoping and dreaming went tumbling down into a dark abyss. I never thought I would be that girl, who needed someone else to fulfill her every whim, but that’s who I had become.
Fear kept my faith in healing down. It made me feel like I couldn’t heal or change and that I was stuck being the same person I’ve always been. But I realized fear is all in the mind and seeing isn’t believing. You have to put the time in and make sure you are gaining the outcome you want. That's exactly what I did.
Praying helped me to forgive. God tells us to forgive others and put it in His hands. And it was hard to. Since, I've felt less stress, more gratitude, and more confidence in my ability to become whole within myself.
I say all of this because 2017 was definitely a roller coaster ride, but wasn't all negative. I’ve had some of the BEST experiences of my life. I'm grateful my year is NOT ending the way it started. I am more aware of every element in my life and the experiences that showed me my self-love, self-care, and healing are just as important as everything else in the world.
So whatever problem, situation, or obstacle you are dealing with, I encourage you to dig deep, find the root of the problem and its WHY. I promise your growth is so much worth than the problem.
THE NUMBER ONE LESSON LEARNED: you can’t change how others feel, only you! Focus on you first. Make sure everything leaving and exerting your body and spirit are pure, honest, and from a place of peace. LIVE and make meaningful experiences. I've learned to prioritize what is important to me over what someone else thinks I should be doing. If it fulfills your purpose, then do it.
So when you don't have all of the answers - you move on. You get better. You unpack your feelings and you heal. You feel. You cry. You scream. You rebel and maybe act out of character, but it’s only a phase. But at the end of the day, you EVOLVE + PERSEVERE!
OTHER LESSON LEARNED:
We've all had experiences, some better than others, but I want you to enjoy every single moment of them. They don't always require a photo, video, tweet, or Boomerang to show what you are doing to the Internet. But it's important to really live in that moment, feel the joy or pain, and take it as an everlasting memory.
All the lessons and experiences, including ones talked about in previous posts, have molded me into who I am today - full of moxie, gratitude, patience, and motivation. It took a lot of courage and transparency to realize the faults I thought were others are actually my own.
It’s amazing how much growth and potential we have, and we don’t necessarily see until we are put in certain situations. In 2018, the goal is to heal from every single thing holding us back and never let it come back.
I'm excited to PERSEVERE (2018 theme) and keep this momentum going to see how much further my growth will take me. I’m also excited about upcoming travels, planned and unplanned, and fun adventures in 2018.
What are your most memorable experiences from this year? And thoughts for 2018? Share them below.
“My heart broke so I could be here:
This lifestyle and beauty blog - created for twentysomething millennial women - inspires, empowers, and adds moxie to womanhood. Women will have a space to learn how to flourish from past mistakes and daily issues, while gaining insight on other topics.
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